My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
