I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
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