Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
