Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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