well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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