Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
