After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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