i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
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