you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Randomize
