One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Randomize