is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
