Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
