Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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