Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Randomize
