Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
