No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
