New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
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I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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