3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
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