Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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