Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
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