the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Watching her eat just hurts me
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
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