me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Randomize
