I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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