I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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