your parents love me but you hate me
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
