Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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