i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
