i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Randomize
