dude i'm inner monologue high
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
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