fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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