Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
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