I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
