I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
My liver just broke up with me...
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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