There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Randomize
