What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Randomize
