she woke up with a sticky ear
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
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