I can text with my tongue
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Randomize
