I can text with my tongue
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
