if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
