the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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