she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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