dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
