apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
