did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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