The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
