I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
All I want is dick and wine.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
