I swear she didn't look like that last week.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
So much rum. So many feels.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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