I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize