he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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