yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Randomize
