maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
