was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
