Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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