i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
