After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize
