god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
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