Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
