I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
