I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
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