I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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