So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
