great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
