I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
