There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
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I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
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IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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