Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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