nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
23 Gruesome Scientific Facts That Will Make You Squirm
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Randomize
