:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
