I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
