I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
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His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
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Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.