Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
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All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
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the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.