Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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