He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
