Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Randomize
