sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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