that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
