so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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