Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
