Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
