in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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