dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
