bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize