Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
