its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I need a beard to bite.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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