My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
