Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Still dying that you shit outside
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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